@Smartassylassy: I've just accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles... My next shit could spell disaster!
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@WheelTod: Somewhere a village is missing its idiot. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't remember where I live.
@Bownuggets: Accidentally dropped a magic mushroom in my cats litter box & now he's laying across the driveway staring at the stars & quoting Kierkegaard
@ItsAndyRyan: PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"
@MakesYouGiggle: Netflix: Are you still there? Me: <in bed, potato chips in hair, dirty pajamas, no makeup, cats surrounding me> Do you really have to ask?