@murrman5: *put cooked chicken in oven* *offer to cook date dinner* *put raw chicken in oven* *immediately pull out cooked chicken* *keep eye contact*

@MelvinofYork: Hi, I want to get a tattoo to express my individuality. Do you mind if I look through this book of tattoos you've done for other people?

@BreadFoster: I "pet zone" girls. It's like the friend zone, but, I only hang out if your dog will be there.

@Robert_Beau: For years I thought hitchhikers were complimenting my driving.

@minnie_in_pink7: My best friend's marriage is such an inspiration. As a reminder that there are worse things than dying alone.