@TheAlexNevil: I've made friends on Twitter I never would've met in real life, and I wouldn't trade them for anything less than $200.
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@jergarl: "Calm down" I suggested. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT CALM?" she carved in the side of my truck.
@sbellelauren: whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i'm doing god's work
@marcia_bee: Imagine me in bed. Wrong. Wetter. Wrong again. Wetter. Wrong AGAIN! Soaking wet. This leaky roof is gonna cost me a fortune to fix!
@Dahmerscookpot: Things that don't kill bees 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming