@DamienFahey: I've never seen a workplace Hanukkah display that didn't shout, "We legally had to do this."
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@sgtblueeyes: Jesus walks on water and everyone is impressed. I walk on water and I'm seriously concerned about this ice breaking...
@Amburglar_: Mad at your man? Five minutes before he gets home, turn on "Pitch Perfect" then hide the remote in the dishwasher.
@benicus_rex: Why is millennial humor so weird, why can't they do normal humor like about a coyote trying to use a rocket launcher to kill a bird
@KeetPotato: baby moses: [crying] mum: "why wont he stop" dad: "throw him in the river lol" mum: "okay" this is from a book called the bible