@Thee1_4U: How to win an argument with a woman: 1. Too late, you're already wrong.

@GianDoh: Psst. The real reason Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting was to molt, mature & become Ryan Goose.

@InkedUpKidder: Saturday in my 20's: "Nice, this club is hot! gimme a Vodka tonic!" Tonight: "Nice, grocery store is empty, ooh I got coupon for that !!"

@Reverend_Scott: [jumps in Uber] ME: HURRY I'M LATE UBER: [starts driving] ME: PULL OVER HERE [jumps out, pets dog] ME: [jumps back in] GO GO GO

@slaughthie: Been getting better gas mileage since I decided to turn off my car when I'm crying alone in parking lots.