@JoshontheGo: I've worn glasses three quarters of my life, but I still manage to poke myself in the eye every now and then putting them on!
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@underchilde: If I tell you I'm "breaking out the fine china," I just mean the expensive paper plates.
@ChaseLori: Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.
@SortaBad: 9am: Very busy day today, I need to focus & stay off the internet 1pm: did you know that Texas has the largest population of prairie dogs?
@tigdonovan: Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit