@weinerdog4life: Jake from State Farm lives with us now, our house is full of khaki pants, he is making khaki pants for dinner.
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@genehunter1: Twitter is the only place where you're thrilled when a complete stranger starts following you.
@rolldiggity: 1. Hide babies all over house. 2. If a kid asks, "Where do babies come from?" laugh, "Where DON'T they come from!" and open every cabinet.
@Kyle_Lippert: "Hey. You sleeping? No? Whatcha thinkin about? Hey. Did you hear me? Hey. Hey. Ok. You're boring. I'm leaving... Jk I'm back. Hey" - Birds
@3sunzzz: Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever.