@weinerdog4life: Jake from State Farm lives with us now, our house is full of khaki pants, he is making khaki pants for dinner.
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@trojansauce: DATE: how about we move this to the bedroom? ME: give me one minute *i kiss all my beanie babies on the head and put them on the ground*
@Marshalchisomcu: if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England
@AndyAsAdjective: I scream "You haven't seen the last of me!" & follow with maniacal laughter before slowly backing away. The pharmacist smiles kindly.
@dubiousgenius: Scientists say Spider-Man would not be able to climb vertical surfaces due to his size. It's almost like someone made the whole thing up.