@weinerdog4life: Jake from State Farm lives with us now, our house is full of khaki pants, he is making khaki pants for dinner.
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@Sickayduh: "In my defense, Your Honor, I only made comments about her yoga pants cause harassment a lot to me" "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"
@TheRobCee: [stewardess] "Sir, even if you ARE, as you say, the REAL Slim Shady- the captain has asked for all passengers to remain seated at this time"
@UncleDuke1969: "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord & Savior?" "No." "Why not, sir?" "Because, it would make my rabbi sad."
@Playing_Dad: *sees a spider* I'm going to kill him *turn around to get a shoe* *turns back around and spider has 8 shoes* Alright, let's be cool here