@jimmy_sharpe: Jealous of how pineapples always have cool hair.
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@fouadelbatrawi: Thank God for butter because without butter all butterflies would be just flies and that sounds terrible.
@murrman5: [me yelling to the cameraman from cops as I get taken away] edit the part out where I tried to do a flip
@SaraESpivey: Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.
@ElKnuckelhombre: Doctor: Describe your headache. Me: She's about 5'8", blonde, and the mother of my children.