@haveigotnews: Jeff Bezos confirms he’s no longer the world’s richest man as Bill Gates has cancelled his Amazon Prime subscription.
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@JakeAupperle: Cashier: Cute kid, how old? Mom: Thank you, 28 months & 4days. What's my total? Cashier: Your total is 756 quarters & 8 dimes. #cashierlife
@SuperJuanderer: [psychiatrist who used to be a cheerleader] you seem aggressive seem seem aggressive
@TheCiscoKidder: The beauty of a text message is that it transcends time. You respond at your leisure. Unless it's from your wife, then you have 30 seconds.
@RS3Feed: I like to go to death metal shows and throw throat lozenges on the stage, it shows I care.