@hurlarious: Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that made fun of me in high school
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@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks out the window to see it raining fire and brimstone* "Oh man my car windows are down!"
@SteveKoehler22: Fiber Monday is a great idea... but is once a year often enough ? Oh....it's Cyber Monday ? Never mind.
@Wine_Honey1: People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen
@rebrafsim: HER: but you can't leave me - I'm carrying your baby! HIM: HER: HIM: actually, that's how babysitting works. I'll be home in 2 or 3 hours