@hurlarious: Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that made fun of me in high school
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@shatterpants: I think that whenever you become a parent, doctors should just prescribe whatever pills you want.
@shutupmikeginn: Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar
@DaHess1: I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth so he named them all Bryce and moved them to a gated community.
@moooooog35: You know the person in exercise videos that's doing the easy version of everything? I'm the guy behind that person eating chips.