@hurlarious: Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that made fun of me in high school
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@ChrisScarlette: We now return to 'CANADIAN SNIPER' *canadian sniper shoots an enemy* *canadian sniper yells 'sorry' from far away*
@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime
@darrinfb: To the 11 year old girl on FB with the relationship status "it's complicated" How can it be complicated? Did he take your animal crackers?
@jayonguitar: If your girlfriend offers to make you breakfast at 2 AM. She's probably not your girlfriend and your just drunk at Denny's again.