@adamthislife: Jesus only had 12 followers, also one sold him out to die and another unfollowed Him right before He died. So I guess I'm not doing too bad.
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@thepunningman: "How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?" 384 my liege "Ok, round them up" 400 my liege
@CastAwayKristen: I wear workout clothes to get Burger King breakfast so the drive thru lady thinks I worked out first. Dont be afraid to live your best life.
@ComedicBust: [in a burning building] Johnny Depp: Use my scarves to climb down Me: WHERE DID YOU COME F.. JD: [transforms into a raven and flies away]
@MelvinofYork: My kid told me an “old dead girl” lives in her room and whispers to her at night. I hope they get along cuz I’m never going in there again.