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@TheDailySchmuck: Jesus: *resurrected*
Mary Magdalene: I have a boyfriend.
@stockejock: I'm already getting anxious over Christmas due to my Santa Claustrophobia-the fear of being smothered in an elevator by a crowd of Santas.
@MicheleAKALips: I suspected my marriage was in trouble when I'd meet my husband for dinner then we would both race home to make out with the babysitter.
@DanOverHere: My boss asked me for a brief word. I said "underpants?" and we laughed and laughed and I'm clearing out my desk.
@primawesome: Dating is just deciding if you like a person more than being lonely, then choosing wrong.
@Lord_Voldemort7: Taylor Swift's ex-boyfriends should band together to create a compilation album entitled "Maybe it's not us, it's you..."