@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.
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@Mr_Kapowski: "Welcome to Armageddon Welcome to Legageddon Welcome to Quadageddon" Me: *raises hand* Are you the only trainer available at the gym today?
@NicCageMatch: No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping
@Awk0Tacoo: Cat: Human, congratulations, I've chosen your face to sleep upon tonight. If at some point you cannot breathe, do not wake me.