@newcastlecourt: Jimmy Bathwater, 27 of Howdon, pleaded guilty to roundhousing a seagull out the sky. He was fined £300 despite how impressive that sounds
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@dukelongboard: I crack my knuckles, turn to the cops and say "I got this" as I stroll toward the bank robbers and get shot in the face
@markleggett: Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You're the Microsoft Word Paperclip.