@NickBossRoss: Johnny Depp always looks like he is just as confused by his "accent"
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@JohnLyonTweets: Her: You have selective hearing. You never hear criticism and only hear things that make you look good. Me: Thanks, you look good too.
@meganamram: If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends
@WheelTod: If it takes 13 muscles to smile and 33 to frown, how do we tell if someone's happy and not just lazy?
@DanMentos: [teaching my 3yo the alphabet] "Ok what's a word that starts with Q" cucumber "That's uh… I don't… let's pick this up again tomorrow"