@gwatts77: Judging by how all of these ladies tweet about cucumbers I'm pretty sure size does matter because I never see them tweeting about carrots :(
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@Courtniss_: There's a special hole in my backyard for people to hit me in the back of the ankles with a shopping cart.
@iwearpajamas: I've been working on a new type of martial arts that involves the taking of money from Hispanics. TakeJuan'sdough.
@Xoolun: Went to the gym and asked the trainer. Could you help me do splits? Trainer: Sure How flexible are you? Me: I can only do Thursday.