@MindyFurano: Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
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@dadjokehansolo: Ben: I'm trying to read, you're in my light Me: Because I am a Solo eclipse! Ben: Dad I swear to- Me: I am blocking the light of the son!
@iwearaonesie: me: Should I pack condoms? wife*laughs* me*driving* wife*still laughing* me*checks into the hotel* wife*calls friend so they can both laugh*
@cray_at_home_ma: Me, to all my kids before the age of 2. "No screens allowed." On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad. "This is your mother now."
@ghostkrogh: Cowboys would still be alive today if they hadn't shot all of their spare bullets in the air after winning one gunfight.