@WheelTod: Julian Assange became a role model for hackers worldwide by crashing at a friend's place indefinitely & never paying his share of any bills.
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@ScottLinnen: We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."
@iwearaonesie: Such bullshit that people stop saying "You ate it all! Good job!" once you reach a certain age
@BadMikeyBad: Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats
@JMFnSparks: The best part about having a homeless girlfriend is after our date I can drop her off wherever I want