@snmrrw: Jurassic park gets weird
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@PostCultRev: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Better yet, dress for jobs that don't even exist. Werewolf psychiatrist. Clown assassin.
@jake_lach: I need to lay off the caffeine. My neighbor keeps complaining that I'm tackling her much more than usual
@awescar: If you want to hide a gift for your husband, just put it in the pantry with one thing in front of it.
@hythemafia: Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your shit in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.