@longwall26: Just a reminder that your coworkers aren't going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
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@Carbosly: I love it when waiters tell me to tell them when to stop grating cheese on my meal. It's cheese, dude. We'll be here a while.
@leechee420: Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
@KentWGraham: I wish I could be like my cable company’s customer service line and make people press 37 different numbers before they can talk to me.
@djdarrellripley: Me: I fell down the stairs with a quart of Jägermeister & I didn't spill a drop. Him: Well, how'd you do that? Me: I kept my mouth shut..