@Cheeseboy22: Just ate an order of cheese fries and smoke started coming out of my Fitbit.
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@ericsshadow: THINGS CHICKS DIG: 1. Popcorn 2. Puppy dogs 3. I can't think of anything else, I'm very bad with women.
@TheToddWilliams: [NASCAR Press Conference] REPORTER: What's your race strategy? DRIVER: Fast circles
@simoncholland: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.