@funnybeachgirl: Just blew pot smoke on the huge spider hiding in my shower. I figure if I do this a few more times, he'll be too stoned to attack me.
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@murfect: *gets hit by car* Friend: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OKAY? Me: I need.. My phone.. Please.. *opens Twitter* Me:YALL WON'T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED