@funnybeachgirl: Just blew pot smoke on the huge spider hiding in my shower. I figure if I do this a few more times, he'll be too stoned to attack me.
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@Mikecanrant: Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head.
@FeverFlave: [inventing worcestershire sauce] Lea: We'll bottle pickled anchovy juice and name it unpronounceable. Perrins: That might work.
@KKAlThani: Sometimes I get take out sushi and eat it at an aquarium just to remind the fish who's boss.
@animaldrumss: [ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let's discuss ways they could improve their image