@jakob_huber: Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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@jazmasta: *ex GF pulls up to drive thru where I work* "Big mac please" "Would u like LIES with that?!" *my boss dragging me away* "LIES, LUCY.. LIES!"
@generaldietz: lifeguard: can you describe the thing that touched you? me: yea...it was like a wet wind chime made out of wieners lifeguard: a squid?
@TheBeerGuy73: My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car.
@GrantTanaka: boss: [asks me to do something] me: [wonders how beyonce would do it] boss: STOP WONDERING ABOUT HOW BEYONCE WOULD DO IT