@jakob_huber: Just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out the pages are all blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
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@causticbob: What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round.
@stacieooooo: You'd think a baby would make the perfect paperweight, but this one keeps rolling off my desk.
@InternetHippo: What should we call this portable computer? SOME GUY: Laptop [everyone applauds…w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]
@mattsurely: "I got you this for Valentine's Day." [she opens the box and reveals several People magazines inside] "I think we should see other people."