@Midgetspar: Just bought Colgate mouthwash 'cause it builds stronger gums and someday my gums might have to lift a car off a baby.
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@Cheeseboy22: Dolphin scientists say that dolphins are the smartest animal next to humans, but I think they're only saying that because they're dolphins.
@jwoodham: Just heard a dad threaten to spank his screaming son "in front of the world." Stand your ground, kid. There's no way he has that technology.
@Mikecanrant: I accidentally earned a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do the last time a bee flew near my face.
@ShortSleeveSuit: Me [proudly]: This is my son. He's 10, a fine artist & great at math Nurse: That's a garbage can & your morphine drip is still attached