@delmolition: Just bought Rosetta Stone for Starbucks.
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@Token_Geezer: A vegan, an atheist and a reformed ex-smoker walk into a bar. Everyone else in the bar leaves.
@IntrepidDeviant: *Arrives at ticket stall with my girl* Me: Two tickets to the movie please. Attendant: For The Hobbit? Me: No, that's my girlfriend.
@Glenny_Baby: I dated a girl that wore a mood ring. When happy it would be a pretty blue colour. When she was mad it made a big oval mark on my forehead.
@Parentpains: This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.