@Y_U_Hayden: Just clicked on an ad that said "Free Albums Here" But It linked to a download of a Nickelback album. Would have rather just gotten a virus.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula.
@iQuoteComedy: That awkward moment when you're scuba diving and you see adele rolling in the deep.
@ibid78: I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, "YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."