@FriedWords: Just drank two 5-Hour Energy shots. Will I get 10 hours of energy? And why is that rainbow giggling at me? AndAHH MY SKIN IS ON INSIDE-OUT!
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@sploosk: Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO
@AndyAsAdjective: KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream? ME: no you may not [long pause] K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?
@Deurb1: The lady in front of me wearing yoga pants keeps bending over to pick up quarters, hope she will for dimes too, as I'm out of quarters.