@TheCatWhisprer: Just enjoy the pool, I don't need to see a picture of your feet by it.
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@TjSmooth0: I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I'm worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
@kumailn: 5 people hurt themselves by accidentally discharging guns at gun shows. Maybe the best way to handle gun nuts is to just let them have guns.
@petemandik: i got blood on my iphone the other day and before i could wipe it off siri made a slurpy noise and it was gone
@flashember: [Scientist describing evolution of the zebra] "We believe they were crime horses that stayed in jail for like a really, really long time."