@clindsaysway: Just finished reading the Declaration of Independence to my kids, and they went to live with their dad
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@notalogin: *Dentist's waiting room* *Trying to make conversation with other patient* So... I guess you have teeth, too?
@djdarrellripley: Him: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants. Me: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit.
@Introvert_Dad: Jesus fed 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish. I can't even satisfy myself with a family sized lasagne