@clindsaysway: Just finished reading the Declaration of Independence to my kids, and they went to live with their dad
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@TheBoydP: Purgatory is like approaching a flashing stoplight. The light at the end of the tunnel is blinking and no one knows what to do.
@david8hughes: [son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that size shouldn't matter so she went out shopping and bought my "boys room" a new 4 inch TV.
@rockymomax: "i have good news & bad news" wife: bad news 1st "the washing machine broke" wife: and the good news? "the dogs are clean AF"