@Coops_Bradley: Just found out I'm pregnant. At least that's what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
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@JCautomatic: *4yo comes in from garden with worm* Wife: TAKE IT AWAY!!! *4yo puts on top hat as I throw him a cane and starts tap dancing*
@SolelyB: I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don't know if they're showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
@SaraThomas84: The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone