@Coops_Bradley: Just found out I'm pregnant. At least that's what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
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@TheMichaelRock: My boss said to "treat customers like you treat your mother", so I haven't answered my phone in a month and I have 74 unheard voicemails.
@slimpickins_: The problem with studying ancient Chinese art is I want some Mexican art a half an hour later.
@erica_rosie: It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.