@Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
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@CrazyUncIeJoe: I just saw a baby wearing a shirt saying: "Santa doesn't exist, but that's ok, cause I can't read."
@PaperWash: I noticed you're eating that bag of popcorn one piece at a time. So how many people have you murdered?
@bourgeoisalien: Who cares if you have regrets on your death bed. You're about to die. I have regret everyday and have like another 40 years of this garbage
@KrangTNelson: PARENTS: when we were ur age we bought a house for $10,000 ME: oh yeah? well did u have.. THIS?! *gestures to 114 gross Oreo flavors*