@Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
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@TurnpikeTony: I better fix the hinge on this cabinet door before Ryan Gosling comes over, takes his shirt off and builds my lady a house.
@MartaEffing: My date thinks he's gonna get me drunk, & then get in my pants. The joke is on him, coz my tolerance is sky high & I'm wearing a skirt.
@Sickayduh: "Oooh look! Is that a comet?" - Well, actually the airport is real close by "Oh ok. Good idea. I'll call them and ask"
@YayForAnxiety: Me: "Hello? Yeah hi I'm calling about your commercial where the woman looks really happy cleaning the kitchen, what's her number?"