@Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
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@TheToddWilliams: [principal's office] "Your child's previous school indicates you're a bit of a helicopter parent." Velociraptor: That's got to be a typo.
@WheelTod: [Funeral] Me: "Do you mind if I say a word?" Widow: "Please do" Me *clears throat: "Plethora!" Widow: "Thank you. That means a lot."
@Sassafrantz: I found out why I'm still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.