@Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
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@KentWGraham: After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. Usually at family gatherings where she threatens me if I don’t look happy.
@SortaBad: Every time I'm at a friend's house I look at the ceiling & say "You like to watch, don't you.." so I look cool if they have a hidden spy cam
@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.
@notacroc: WIFE: get down here! ME: *from telephone wire* I'm with my friends WIFE: why are u wearing fake wings? ME: *to bird next to me* they're real