@TeeJayRush: Just got a Life Alert bracelet. Now, if I get a life, I'll immediately be alerted...
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@thenatewolf: Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*
@blaha_Who: Whenever I get a midnight "Hey" dm from a woman on the weekend, I always reply Maybe she's inviting me to church or something fun like that
@SteelCityDawn: Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years.
@zachreinert03: Fact: if you drop a penny from a skyscraper it can kill someone on the street? It's true, I'm still glad I went with a bowling ball though