@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
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@loudmouth_usa: Him: If you could have dinner with any people, living or dead, who would you choose? Me: All the dead ones
@Paxochka: People who say "life doesn't come with a set of instructions" obviously haven't heard of the Kama Sutra.
@SteveDutzy: I hate killing bugs so instead I spend hours trying to get it in a cup so I can toss it outside after accidentally taking off 3 of its legs.