@TheCatWhisprer: Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it.
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@yonewt: Listening to "Bad Company" by Bad Company from their album "Bad Company" how do they come up with this stuff
@DaddyJew: Trainer: have you been sticking to your diet? Me: *tries to mumble yes but a chicken wing falls out of my mouth*
@TheAlexNevil: Shoulder Devil: So I say "Go on--do it!" And the moron does it! Shoulder Angel: What an idiot! Me: You guys know I can hear you, right?
@mattZillaaaa: [street fight] Come at me bro!! *guy rips off his shirt revealing bulging muscles *I rip off my shirt revealing another shirt & run away