@TheNardvark: Just got my invitation to Lady Gaga's wedding reception. I can choose between beef or chicken. Not for the meal, that's the dress code.
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@SardonicTart: Me: Wow this recumbent bike is pretty comfortable. Trainer: Ok now start pedaling. Me: What?
@AndyRichter: Fun to hear newscasters, while their chopper hovers over an active crime scene, scold people "the last thing the police need is spectators"
@tamytoo2: Actual text from 17 y/o son: kin u com bi nd swoop me? I hope he means hit him with my car, because that's the plan
@BuckyIsotope: Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer. Keep your frenemies in a dark basement filled with bees.