@TheNardvark: Just got my invitation to Lady Gaga's wedding reception. I can choose between beef or chicken. Not for the meal, that's the dress code.
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@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
@trojansauce: [dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time
@DareDarilyn: Before being born, I wish I would have been able to select the difficulty level of my life.
@BeckFlatley: I heard if you click that little follow button, Twitter releases one of the captive birds it uses for its logo. Do the right thing.