@shahnischmani: Just heard a lady say she's been shopping at this Kmart for the last 15 years, and I was like, "doesn't your family miss you?"
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@briangaar: Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home
@Barknado69: Avril Lavigne: he was a boy, she was a girl. Could I make it any more obvious? Me: *still pretty clearly confused* please do
@NurseSeymour: Jamie on FB just took a quiz to find out what type of flower she is. She's a vibrant poppy. Weird, all this time I thought she was human.
@JermHimselfish: I met Jay-Z in '09 and he said "Meet my fiance, Beyonce" and I was like "That rhymes, you should rap!" and we laughed and he sold me crack.