@shahnischmani: Just heard a lady say she's been shopping at this Kmart for the last 15 years, and I was like, "doesn't your family miss you?"
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@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...
@iRowlf: I bet the skeletons, in my gay coworker's closet, are having a dress up party with fabulous clothes.
@squirrel74wkgn: Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong.
@UNTRESOR: A person running around with a laptop chasing an unsecured WiFi signal looks eerily like a cat chasing a laser pointer.