@meganamram: Just heard about this teacher who had sex with his student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school
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@poizngrl: If you are looking for a bad girl, I have been known to shop at the art supply store on days they aren't having a sale...
@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: Can't wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children. Coworker: I love Halloween. Me: I meant after work today.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Girl from my high school posted on Facebook that she got a "constellation prize" at a church carnival yesterday. She skipped school a lot.