@MrGeorgeWallace: Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.
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@2tickytacky: He told her that trees blossom in her presence. What he meant was that she scares the sap back up into them.
@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@KeetPotato: elephants are scared of mice they're like 100x their size, stupid massive wimps [a wasp flies in my car and i completely drive off a bridge]