@glamrockgoth: Just how hairy was the person who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
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@NickBSawyer: *handshake* wow, soft hands! u must've never worked a day in ur life [coming off a 9 hour shift at the Vaseline factory] "u dont know me."
@LaziestCanine: Wife: we need to improve our home Me: agreed Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority Me: [crosses out "get more dogs"] obviously
@wickedsuga: DON'T TOUCH ME! AND YOU'RE BREATHING WRONG! STOP IT! -wives, on their period Or if they're hungry. Or if you are actually breathing wrong.
@LuvPug: Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber.