@RobertJrDowney: Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.
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@FXTVaddict: Me: I asked the waitress for diet Coke and she thought I said rum and Coke. Boss: 5 times? Me: Yeah I guess. B: ..... M: HR again?
@Reverend_Scott: How to open new toy: 1. Cut tape with machete. 2. Take shot. 3. Undo 23,518 twist ties. 4. Take 3 shots. 5. Watch child play with box.
@drinkcherrycoke: So I just found out those stick figures on the back of cars are not to keep track of how many pedestrians you've hit,i will be removing mine