@ItsAndyRyan: Just misread a headline 'Trump wins big' as 'Trump bins wig'. I thought: 'about time too'.
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@Lmao: 5 kinds of fear: - panic - terror - 15 missed calls from mom - "wrong password" - "we need to talk"
@ImaFlyontheWall: Wears a black shirt to a first dates house to see if shes lying about having cats
@Dis0beyJay: [at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*
@kylekinane: I ate a tomato slice off the carpet. And some lettuce. And some bleu cheese bits. And mushrooms. I'm saying I dropped my salad on the floor.