@ItsAndyRyan: Just misread a headline 'Trump wins big' as 'Trump bins wig'. I thought: 'about time too'.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AndyAsAdjective: [my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my résumé to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*
@TEXASVETERAN: I wish I was Jean Claude Van Damme, not to be able to roundhouse kick my co-worker, but to bore him to death as I act out a scene.