@_Tempo11: Just moisturized my hands and now I can't get out of the bathroom. Send help.
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: Please wait to eat your Craisins until we're in the car *5 secs later Me: What're you eating? 5yo: *Mouthful of Craisins* ......Nothing
@WilliamRodgers: My daughter does this thing where she copies EVERYTHING the dog does; Bark, beg, fetch etc. It was adorable! Until the dog humped the couch
@ch000ch: hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. the captain can't talk cause we both said "hope we don't die haha" at the same time and i jinxed him
@Togsbabble: My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the "what is this shit" look.