@_Tempo11: Just moisturized my hands and now I can't get out of the bathroom. Send help.
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@Elizasoul80: What do you get if you cross a bear and a wolf? You get eaten is what you get. Stop upsetting scary animals.
@callie_cakes: Ex: Holy skinny jeans! Me: They are new. Like them? Ex: Sure... Me: What? Ex: Should a woman your age wear those? Divorce Reason 509
@kchees: All the single ladies put your hands up! *handcuffs all the single ladies together and pushes them off a cliff* I'm your only option now.
@Brianhopecomedy: *bakes 12 cookies* *waits for family to come home* *eats 12* *family arrives* 5 year old: "I SMELL COOKIES!" "Weird! Here's a salad."