@NikatNiteNite: Just once I'd like someone to call me "ma'am" without having to add "you need to calm down or we're going to have to ask you to leave"
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@rachaelkelly18: The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today
@DaddyJew: Judge: how do you plead? Guy: well usually to my wife Judge: haha I feel ya brother, bailiff please fist-bump the defendant
@QuiteQuietOne: I just peed in my bath. But don't worry, I won't drink the water. - 4 year old logic