@squirrel74wkgn: Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
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@WheelTod: Did you know if you weigh yourself, then take a dump, then weigh the dump & weigh yourself again, you'll be banned from Walgreens for life?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Suicide Squad spoiler: Jared Leto's Joker is so twisted he puts big spoons in the drawer slots where the little spoons go.
@Sarcasticsapien: I hate when someone texts me cause then I can't post anything on the internet or they'll know I'm ignoring them.