@squirrel74wkgn: Just once...one time; can't we buy a tree that doesn't try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
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@bazecraze: A National Treasure where Nicholas Cage has to find the model number on a 15 year old dishwasher.
@AtticusFinch79: [on the train] Conductor: Ticket please Me: *hands it over* C: Lady this is a speeding ticket M: *sighs* That's why I'm on the train
@onascaleof1210: To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one.
@Pirate_nurse: Thanks to this HUGE spider web I just walked into we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked