@cupcakelynda: Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.
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@FlyJ_: I still don't understand why my boss didn't like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.
@Overdue_Bills: Hell yes we can still be friends if you don't drink, I'm not that shallow. You have a driver's license, right??
@aka_fatman: I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony.