@Cheeseboy22: Just purchased one of those wigs that lawyers in England wear to put on when I have an argument with my wife.
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@pleatedjeans: [junkyard dog barking viciously and running directly at me] Me: Wow he must really want me to pet him
@Tmoney68: If I could be any animal I'd pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
@Jerrypleasure: [RESTAURANT] Her : I like kids (To impress her) Me: *Points at any kid in a restaurant* I'm his father