@Cheeseboy22: Just purchased one of those wigs that lawyers in England wear to put on when I have an argument with my wife.
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@mynameisntdave: GENIE: u get 3 wishes! ME: for my first wish, I want a never-ending bowl of guac GENIE: guac, huh? Yeah, that's gonna cost you an extra wish
@GrantTanaka: this one time, I was able to rob a bank armed with nothing but a notebook filled with poetry I wrote in the 8th grade
@NyAdas: Today I learned the hard way if you over-pluck your eyebrows everyone thinks you're interested in what they are saying