@bfrosty04: Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.
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@GrowlyGrego: "Bear with me for a minute." - Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend.
@MadamBetteNoire: Teaching your kids to question everything is important. Until you're sitting there banging your head on the table.
@dshack8: 50% of fatherhood is repeating yourself. Other 50% is untangling your kid from the shirt stuck on their head cause you didn't unbutton it.