@bfrosty04: Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.
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@ianabramson: I'm the kind of guy who peeks under bathroom stalls and asks where you go for taxes.
@farahfergie: I bet "jerk chicken" is that chicken that cuts others off when the other chickens are trying to cross the road.
@Home_Halfway: I forgot the name for a beaver the other day so I referred to them as "architect squirrels."
@Merman_Melville: (Guy who was trapped in a well for 20 years standing in front of the Get Well Soon cards at the pharmacy, frowning)