@TheTobbie: Just recorded the baby crying so I can play it back to him while he tries to sleep later to see how he likes it...
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@batkaren: I stand at airplane arrival gates with a "SAMANTHA" sign, then cry after everyone's exited until airport security brings me soup. Free soup!
@jonnysun: HILLARY: donald-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: …trump-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: [smiling serenely] …is good TRUMP: --wrong. nno wait. nno. no, no
@KraftDinerr: I literally never cry, so my body makes up for it by leaking out of different places. My doctor says it's called "peeing" what a dumb idiot.