@abhorrent_wife: Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house but that fly is dead.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Marlebean: My kid drinks a teaspoon of medicine with the intensity of a sommelier at a wine tasting.
@TheMichaelRock: I think we should line up all the presidential candidates and see which one a dog doesn't bark at. That person should become president.
@QwertyJones3: HER: I'll only agree to do nudity if it's done tastefully PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows