@abhorrent_wife: Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house but that fly is dead.
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@B1gBrainsMcGee: "I guess we should make them sound like a space shuttle is taking off during an a-bomb explosion." -person who invented hand dryers
@ForeverHairy: The nice thing about getting a pet lobster is that you can always threaten to eat it when your kid stops taking care of it.
@Jandalize: Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That's about right.