@tigersgoroooar: Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.
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@therealeatwood: [Poison Ivy’s home] Voice from outside: YOU CONTROL PLANTS? WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT? Ivy: [thru window] Go home, Aquaman. You’re drunk.
@djdarrellripley: Him: You're a DJ? I'm not one for dancing. I've got this leg, you see? I've had it since the war. Me: How long have you had the other one?
@Fred_Delicious: [rolls a boiled egg down the bar to a hot girl] me - "that was an accident can I have my egg back please"
@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.