@tigersgoroooar: Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.
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@charliedelta7: 7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me.
@tchrquotes: 6yo:You can't eat chips before dinner! Me:YOU can't. I'm a grown man. I do what I want. *Wife walks in*: What's that? Me:WHAT? NOTHING. Huh?
@trumpetcake: I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal "Rewards Dagger" that gets me a discount everywhere.