@tigersgoroooar: Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.
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@lisaxy424: "zombies aren't real zombies aren't real zombies aren't real zombies aren't real" - me, walking my dog at night
@NewDadNotes: *cat rubs against genie lamp* G: you get one wish Cat:*makes eye contact & slowly pushes lamp off table* G: guess who just wished for a dog
@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.