@Kyle_Lippert: Just saw a dude catcall a woman with "Nice heels, girl" and his friend slapped him and said "Those are knock offs, bro"
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@goodhairperson: I forgot the word "torch" earlier today so I googled "fire on a stick." I have two degrees in English.
@mortimermaiden: Me: I'm gonna renovate the house once I get my promotion. After that, kids maybe? Date: Are you still talking about The Sims? Me: Of course.
@Goofpoops: Someone on Facebook posted "Having the BEST DAY EVER!!" So I posted the Sarah Mclachlan animal cruelty video in the comments
@ConanOBrien: You can tell Charles Manson really loves his fiancée by the way he hasn’t murdered her.